I was saved by grace though faith in my lord Jesus Christ, I may have had a good understanding of that when I was young, like grade school though HS but I went off a cliff in college. By the end of my Freshman year you would not see me and think Christian. So this goes on from 1993 to 2003. I was a destructive idiot that had to be plowed every weekend and on the chase for whatever. In 03 I get married to my soon to be ex-wife and one of the big reasons was that she claimed to be a Christian and so I'd been out in the wilderness for so long I couldn't tell the Gospel from some garbage Rick Warren wrote. She grew up in a charismatic type church. So we went sparingly but when I went I felt empty, I'd try to focus on what the preacher was saying and was praying on that hurdle in my life, or my Goliath but I left every time we were there just empty. Few more years go by and that pastors son started a super seeker friendly church and the whole time I'm waiting for the breakthrough, I was planting my seed and waiting for the harvest, I was broke and had a grandmother dyeing of cancer. I saw the super cool hip folks at church and I just figured I don't have faith or this is all bologna. A few things they presented didn't sit well with me like the fact they sold rainbow flags and bumper stickers with churches logo on them. The place turned into a cool club for the really narcissistic hip families in the community and maybe I didn't understand the Gospel anymore but I knew what that place was doing was wrong. We bounced around to different churches but she'd never go to a classic church with hymns and a real message, it's too boring shed say.
Now to the point, when COVID hit I'd been spurred on by the Bee who was poking fun of the same stuff I was having issues with things I knew didn't feel right. So I started trying to find out how to study the Bible, I don't trust any of preacher that is on TV or has big churches, I promise you I didn't know RC Sproul from any TBN dude. A friend of mines dad had started a Bible Study, he had been a Chaplin in the Navy but he too was like me, disconnected and we both debated converting to Roman Catholic. We knew those guys aren't gonna ask for a seed offering. So I listened to Catholic radio for a while but quickly found issue with their theology, So on I went trying to figure out who to trust and out of nowhere Chris Rosebrough pops up on my YouTube list and he's breaking down one of those hustlers and I just kept on one video after another until American Gospel pops on my recommendations, I watched the free version and every teacher that popped up I was writing names down. Then looking them up on YouTube, it was the greatest youtube rabbit hole I've ever went down. I cry when I tell this story but for the first time since I was a kid the scales so to speak had fallen off, Grace though faith alone and the knowledge that Jesus didn't promise us health and wealth made my world turn upside down for the good. My wife was sending money to Todd White at the time monthly and when I finally felt I had a grip on the Gospel I went to her, I thought she would be as excited as I that the burden is not on us, being wealthy isn't our lack of faith, all these hustlers were wrong and we are free to love the lord and feel his grace, that families at churches with big house and fancy vacation and let you know everyday on facebook that it's all a blessing from God is wrong, our blessing is to be free from sin and live for eternity. I was crying and when I told her what I'd learned about Todd White and the rest, she got angry. I pray for her and tried to get her to watch the DVD with me but she never would, it's the greatest video I've ever watched in my life and it's changed my life.